i dun lost these things!

heylp! mah pets r all tha way in israel!!!!

2008-12-21T13:49:00.003-06:00

y'all, i can't believe this. it's so close to christmus, and i think mah pets dun tried to escape all tha way to ISRAEL! mah molar bear, in particular has been seen sevurul times, once hangin' out with a cow and in some plants!

HEYLP!!!

i've been told that thare's more to come, to stay tewned.

Hand Turkey Hank!!!

2008-10-17T18:47:00.003-05:00

Lend a hand y'all.

In tha spirut of thanksgivin' (which y'all KNOW is a comin' shortly after devilween), heeylp!!!

Mah dear friend, Hand Turkey Hank dun gone missin' again!

The furst time he went missin' I couldn't bare to look at mah own hands fer a week (needless to say, they were NOT washed fer them 7 days neither).

Y'all pleaze heylp me find Hand Turkey Hank, but as temptin' as it may be fer that handsome reward, do NOT go a cuttin' yer own hands off and try to pretend you found him...

I ain't know scientist, but I DO know what is and what is NOT a Hand Turkey.

Larry, the Nine Mustached, Overly Concerned Walrus.

2008-10-15T23:51:00.007-05:00

I don't know how i dun it, but...

I DUN LOST A WALRUS!!!

Heeeeylp Y'all!!!

I dun lost onummy most important assets in mah pet collection. As u cane see by the diegraham, he is tha keeper of ALL mah mustaches...ALL OF 'EM!!!

pullease holleratyaboy if you see him or any of them mustaches wanderin' on the street.

*please note that mustache #4 actually an anteek i got from some war museum in germuny.

HEYYLPPP!!!!

Edward Von Snugglepuss Effort in Austin

2008-09-28T14:58:00.005-05:00

HEYLP! Calling all filthy hippies of Austin! i dun wandered on to campus this weekend and seen a few a them kiosks to put mah flyers on. hopefully none of them filthy hippies will tryn' grab hold of Edward Von Snugglepuss and tryn' halewcinate by lickin' his back...he AINT NO AMAZONIAN RAIN FOREST FROG YOU CAN JUST LICK AND EXPECT TO GET HIGH. you'll get high alright...high as a fox. high as a dead fox. remember, Edward VON Snugglepuss is VERY RARE and VERY DEADLY!!! if you see him, call animal control immediately!!!

Pee S. Why do they call it a CAMPus if US can't camp there!??!?!?!?!?!?!

and remember. please.

TORTOISE BREAKTHROUGH!!!

2008-07-15T08:17:00.001-05:00

A gentleman named James claims to have seen mah tortoises. James, puuleaaase heylp us!!!

DANGER!!! dun lost mah feline monkey eagle...

2008-06-29T14:52:00.002-05:00

heyylp!!! this one's reel dangereux. he's from the amazon and he once bit me on the eyeball...not the face, but directly on the eyeball!!! if you find him, you might needta call animal control cuz he's fiercer than mah fashion sense.

KLAUS SIGHTING AT 7-11

2008-06-09T22:39:00.001-05:00

heyyylp!!! somebody named "Junior" dun spotted Klaus at a 7-11 in Florida!!!!

KLAUS' RANSOM CALL

2008-06-08T12:22:00.003-05:00

multiple sightings in dallas, tx

2008-06-07T10:05:00.002-05:00

these guys just love deep ellum!

fred, buster, upside down do do birds spotted in san francisco!

2008-06-07T03:08:00.005-05:00

molar bear spotted in barcelona!!!

2008-06-07T03:03:00.003-05:00

mah most german pet is on the loose (ACHTUNG!)

2008-06-07T02:54:00.002-05:00

ACHTUNG!!! EVERYBODY!!!! ACHTUNG!!! KLAUS IS ON THE LOOSE! HE'S DEADLY!

mah molar bear!

2008-06-07T02:52:00.002-05:00

heylp! i dun lost mah molar bear. thissun's real cute.

lost: 3 ukranian upside down dodo birds.

2008-05-24T02:39:00.001-05:00

HEYLP!!! i dun lost the most exotic of all mah pets.

lost mah tortoises!

2008-04-22T21:12:00.019-05:00

hey, y'all. i really knead yer help on this one. these here are the appells of my eybal.if y'ouve scene these tertles anywhur, puhhleze let me no about it by wrytin' in er givin' me a call. these tortoises (torti, i bulieve is the plural 4rm) are missin' from mye backyard. theye wur last scene just-a-dancin' and havin' a good time with me in my bathtub. heyylp!

these people claim to have seen my pets.

Lurlene (dallas, TX)

Clementine (chicago, IL)

Bennie (dallas, TX)

Cletus (unknown)